Do you fight an addiction?

Today's post is very personal and tells you a lot about what each day feels like for me and the struggles I have.

         Do you know what its like to have an addiction? It's time consuming, takes all of your energy, keeps you from living your life to its full ability. My addiction used to consume all that I had to offer every single day! day after day. Luckily after a lot of learning and therapy I have learned how to let go of certain things and concentrate on other parts of my life. 

           Don't get me wrong, my eating disorder still shows through me in many ways, i'm just a lot better at fighting and ignoring it. Both anorexia and bulimia are things i've struggled with in my life and will forever pay the consequences of it. Most of my teeth are fake because of the bulimia, I now hate most foods because of the anorexia. The addiction to both gives you a sense of comfort, gives you a high. When you feel like there's nothing in your life you can control your eating disorder is the one thing that you can depend upon, the one thing that will be there for you when you want it to be. Learning that you can control so many other things and determine the outcome of your happiness is the number one thing they taught me in rehab. I don't have to rely on Ed to tell me if I am worth it or not. No matter what I will always struggle with it and show signs of addictions. 

           To this day i'm addicted to counting my calories and food intake. When I have a "cheat" meal it will be something I have mass anxiety about the rest of the day, thinking over and over how many calories I've eaten and how many squats its going to take me to burn it off. Maybe just maybe one day Ed will silence long enough to let me just enjoy a day without him. until then i'll do my best because that's all I can do. 

On a happier note! This morning at the gym I completed my 100 Challenge for the day and it feels so good! day two down only five more to go! My tip for the day is to keep yourself as hydrated as possible, go buy a water bottle and keep it with you all day long. If you set it out of your sight you won't drink it, out of sight out of mind. Keep the bottle on your desk, on the counter, where ever you might be. Have it in sight!