The Inspiring Must Be Inspired

         This morning I woke up with a thought running through my head over and over. You're not worth it. 
Being the creature of habit that I am I started my day off the same as I always do; wake up, feed animals, grab my bags, hit the gym, and head to work. As I was driving to the gym all I could think of was how I wasn't worth it, why should I keep trying so hard? By the end of my workout I felt slightly better but still had the negativity flowing through me. Ed (eating disorder) had a good grasp on my mind this morning.
before getting out of my car to walk into work I pulled down the visor down to check my lipgloss and I found a quote stuck to my visor I had completely forgotten about. It was given to my by counselor I had at Center for Change.

In order to find the purpose 

of our own life,

we have to lose it.

We have to stop worrying 

About our own well-being,

our own happiness,

and just think about how we can help

another brother get home.

And then maybe we can find our own path

by showing our brother the way back 

          I have no clue who the author of the quote is, but obviously a very wise person. If I had woken up this morning and decided I was worth it, my entire morning/afternoon would have been different. The small simple things in life mean the most, something I believe wholeheartedly. Stop obsessing with yourself and simply worries, let go and stand yourself up straight. you never know who needs the inspiration today so why not be the person doing the inspiring?  

I made the choice to straighten up, be selfless and stop worrying about why I can't do so many things the way I wish I could. 

With my hair pulled back, and feet on the ground I can find success in myself and focus on how to make 

another persons day as splendid as mine. 

The Inspiring also need to be inspired- Maddison Sumsion

Chia, Chia, Chia

             If you know me at all than you know I have a crazy deep passion for Chia Seeds. Without fail I have them everyday of my life, even when I'm on vacation I can't go unless I pack my Chia with me. There are very few other things I care more about than my vitamins and my chia (kidding... well maybe not). Often I have people ask me what the heck is in my drink? Chia Seeds look weird and definitely not appetizing, they're little black seeds but like they say great things come in small packages. 

          The benefits of eating/drinking chia are 100% endless.... when people ask me what makes them so good I could go on and on but to keep it simple I stick with a few of my favorite reasons. Their lipid profile is made of the omega-3 acids making them one of the richest plant-based sources of the omega-3. Loaded with fiber! 10 grams in 2 tablespoons, 1/3 of the daily recommended intake of fiber needed in your day. GLUTEN-FREE is another huge reason I love to tell people about them because gluten-free is HUGE in the market right now. Do you ever have a hard time feeling full? ya me too... Chia gives you a satiety feeling, the feeling of  being full and satisfied. Feeling full helps lower your cravings between meals helping you not snack on junk all day long resulting in you consuming fewer calories in the day helping you lose weight. WHY would you not want all of these benefits I have no idea. 

            So you buy the chia but what do you do with it now? Most people don't exactly have the desire to grab a spoon and chow down on some crunchy black seeds. There are so many different ways to use them, add them to your drinks (maybe not water that might be gross) but even your crystal light or your tea. Mix them with greek yogurt, applesauce, pudding, oatmeal, cereal, protein shakes. You can bake with them! Chia seed cookies are my specialty! Bake them into your muffins even.
            Yummy food doesn't need to be loaded with fat and sugar to make it taste good, even to the person who never considers eating healthy. Most health food stores sell Chia they aren't hard to find. They may seem pricey but you cant put a price on your health and wellness. I buy them in bulk at Good Earth or Costco sells them in bags. I only drink one tablespoon a day. You can spend $20 on your next few meals at McDonald's and feel fat and worse about yourself OR you can take that $20 and get the Chia that will offer you the better health and life you most definitely deserve! Your body is an AMAZING thing that does nothing but give to you, so give back to your body and better yourself. 

700 CHALLENGE! go gym, no problem

Let the fun begin! this weeks 700 challenge is starting a day late but it will still be killer compared to the last one! there's nothing better than having sore muscles because it means you worked for something! This weeks challenge consists of two of my most favorite exercises, SQUATS and JUMPING JACKS. Both are extremely beneficial and both can be done with out any gym equipment which means you have NO excuses! you can do a squat in your kitchen while your food cooks in the microwave, squat while you brush your teeth, and my favorite is putting on my high heels and doing a squat (KILLER for the glutes). Jumping Jacks are another easy exercise you can do pretty much anywhere! I'll admit that in order to complete my 700 challenge once I did do jumping jacks in the work bathroom once, don't worry it was a single person bathroom so no one knew but me :] The benefits of doing a squat are endless, my number one reason is obviously the booty shape, gotta love the bubble butt. squats are commonly know and referred to as leg exercises but they actually help your entire body! If done correctly squats are so intense they can trigger a release of HGH and Testosterone which is vital for muscle growth and improves your muscle mass when exercising other parts of your body giving you an all over better workout.
How to properly do a Squat

• Stand with your feet just over shoulder width apart
•  Keep your back in a neutral position, and keep your knees centered over your feet 
• Slowly bend your knees, hips and ankles, lowering until you reach a 90-degree angle
• Return to starting position -- repeat 15-20 times, for 2-3 sets for beginners 
• Breathe in as you lower, breathe out as you return to starting position

Jumping Jacks are beneficial to your body and your mind. they're a total body workout that increases your heart rate! increasing your heart rate is key in burning fat and losing weight. Doing Jumping Jacks for an extended amount of time triggers the release of endorphins in your body which are pain-relievers and give your body a sense of calm and happiness. Find a time and give yourself as many reasons and you can think of why you should do this challenge and DON'T GIVE UP! If you want results you have to work for them. overcome that voice in your head telling you that you can't or it's too hard because IT'S NOT!! 

What's your reason?

             Every morning I wake up wondering what my reasons for moving forward would be. I have to give all credit  to the man I get to call my husband. He's my best friend, my pillar I lean on, the reason I choose to be the best I can be. He is always there for me reminding me of why I choose to overcome my addictions. I never would have thought that I would fall in love with Jesse, but like they say you can't help what your heart wants.

            From our very first date part of me knew instantly this was the guy I would be with, the one I would do anything to get him to ask me out again! Thank heavens he did! Having him to look up to (literally) makes me so much stronger he is such a hard working guy that never lets negativity get to him. I don't know if i'll ever stop falling in love with this man! Everyday is an adventure but when I'm feeling weak he's right there to lift me up. Dealing with my crazy addictions and habits hasn't been an easy thing for him to deal with but for some reason he chooses to put up with it and love me through it.
           He might never fully understand what it's like or get why I do the things I do, it doesn't make sense to a lot of people and often people tease me about it. Jesse often teases me about my eating habits he will call me a rabbit, or when someone offers me food he chimes in with a comment "Oh she can't eat it, it probably has sugar in it". I like that he can make jokes about it and tease with me about it, if he didn't I wouldn't know that he cared. I'm so thankful to have someone in my life at my side at all times cheering me on and not losing hope that I can overcome anything thrown my way. "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" Lao Tzu

It's always possible

         April 2013 I did something I NEVER thought I could, would, or want to do in my life. To some it might seem like such and easy thing but for someone like me it was a huge deal. I ran a half marathon this day and beat my PR by 45 minutes. I set a goal to do something and I followed through and accomplished it. The biggest rush of emotions went through my body when I hit the last mile of my run. I've never been a runner, nor ever had the desire to try it. If you know me at all you know I'm a pretty stocky built woman, not built to run. I worked my butt off (not literally but wouldn't that have been nice! This chick got booty) I had total doubt that I would be able to even run the whole thing, I thought for sure I would be walking at least half of the race. I RAN THE ENTIRE THING. Hitting that finish line made me feel at that moment in time I was in complete control, I was on top of the world. I can't tell you the last time I've ever felt so in control of my own life, my own happiness.
          Still at the end of the race I went into panic mode when everyone offered me carb loaded treats to eat, Ed was still there trying to get to me but I refused to let him ruin that day for me. Having my family at the end of the race to see me accomplish something that meant so much to me was soo cool. My family is always there at my side to help me through my battles always supportive and not losing hope that one day I will be free of Ed. Now I'm working on training for my next half marathon then a few months after that I'll be running my very first marathon! It might take me an entire day to finish it but I will do what it takes to have that sweet moment of success at the finish line. Next time you decide you want something in your life but think it could never happen realize that you CAN! it's possible, your mind gives up so much faster than your body does.

Meal of the day! nomnomnom :]

          Everyday people ask me if I ever eat, or what I eat and how I make time to prepare my meals every day. It's so simple to do! Just like anything else in life if it matters to you, you'll make time for it. I hardly ever go out to eat and I never buy fast food. Each night when I get home I take 20 minutes to prepare my meals for the next morning. I pack my breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks for the next day. On Sunday each week I think about what I want to cook for the week that way I know what I need to buy at the store, that way I don't have to put much effort into thinking about what to cook everyday. My husband Jesse doesn't always like to eat the "weird" foods that I eat so I have to put some extra effort into it and think of things to prepare for him as well because I don't want him eating out everyday or eating crap that's going to hurt his very sexy body.
          I hate seeing money go to waste on fast food everyday!! An average meal of eating out for lunch is 5-10 dollars, your average work week is 5 days so that's at least 40-50 dollars a week!!!! Plus thousands of calories!!! Do you know how many outfits I can buy because I'm not spending NEARLY that amount of money a week on my meals, plus how many squats that's going to take to try and burn those calories?? ITS NOT WORTH IT! I spend a lot of my time reading and researching foods, learning how to read a nutrition label, and what those big words mean listed in the ingredients. Knowing what you're eating makes it much easier to choose what to eat. 

This is what my day looks like today, for those who say they never see me eat you are crazy because I eat all day long.
           Breakfast is definitely your most important meal of the day! skipping breakfast is like not filling up your gas tank, if you don't put gas in your car you can't expect it to run. Your body works the same way, you can't expect your body to start up and go if you don't fuel it. My breakfast today is very simple, I always start my day off with water, ice cold water first thing in the morning gets your metabolism going and the colder the water the harder it is for your body to process so you're actually making your metabolism work harder. Next I drink my vitamins and chia seeds. Vitamins are essential for your day, especially if you're someone who is eating out a lot you are not getting the nutrients your body needs. Next for breakfast is protein! If your like me and exercise at the beginning of your day you HAVE to give your body protein to recover.
            Lunch, the hardest meal for me to eat. I usually don't want to make time for it or just don't know what to eat. Today is Quinoa Salad. So yummy and so simple. took me 20 min. to cook
1/2 Cup Quinoa
1 cup Broccoli
1/4 cup Onions and Green Bell Pepper
1 tsp Sriracha hot sauce
handful of Kale
I just Steamed my veggies and mix it all together! YUM!

           Snacks are easy, I always have it put together so it's something I can eat on the go. Protein bar (always be very cautious of what protein bars you're eating, learn to read labels just because it says protein on it does not mean its good for you). Then just cucumbers with hummus. On the go and very yummy! Hummus has a weird texture for some people but they have so many different flavors to try so just give it a shot! Veggies are blah when you just eat them alone so having hummus to add flavor to them makes it so much easier to eat a lot of that rabbit food
          
          Dinner, Spinach Salad with a crisp apple and raspberry vinaigrette dressing on top. Again it's quick, it's simple to make but it tastes so good! I buy my dressing from Good Earth. Lastly I  drink more protein! the reason I eat so much protein is because of how much exercising I do, not everyone will need the same amount as me but it's still needed in your diet. I try not to eat my dinner later than 7:30 so my body has time to digest and burn through those calories before I head to bed and my metabolism slows way down. Through out the day I'm drinking tons and tons of water, if you cant remember to drink it between meals than make it a goal to drink a glass at least with every meal and snack you eat.
Seems like a ton of food but all of it together is only 1,075 Calories, 39 grams of sugar, and 94 grams of protein. I should be eating at least 1,200 calories a day (everyone has different amounts they need) so I should have put a few more snacks in my day.

Do you fight an addiction?

Today's post is very personal and tells you a lot about what each day feels like for me and the struggles I have.

         Do you know what its like to have an addiction? It's time consuming, takes all of your energy, keeps you from living your life to its full ability. My addiction used to consume all that I had to offer every single day! day after day. Luckily after a lot of learning and therapy I have learned how to let go of certain things and concentrate on other parts of my life. 

           Don't get me wrong, my eating disorder still shows through me in many ways, i'm just a lot better at fighting and ignoring it. Both anorexia and bulimia are things i've struggled with in my life and will forever pay the consequences of it. Most of my teeth are fake because of the bulimia, I now hate most foods because of the anorexia. The addiction to both gives you a sense of comfort, gives you a high. When you feel like there's nothing in your life you can control your eating disorder is the one thing that you can depend upon, the one thing that will be there for you when you want it to be. Learning that you can control so many other things and determine the outcome of your happiness is the number one thing they taught me in rehab. I don't have to rely on Ed to tell me if I am worth it or not. No matter what I will always struggle with it and show signs of addictions. 

           To this day i'm addicted to counting my calories and food intake. When I have a "cheat" meal it will be something I have mass anxiety about the rest of the day, thinking over and over how many calories I've eaten and how many squats its going to take me to burn it off. Maybe just maybe one day Ed will silence long enough to let me just enjoy a day without him. until then i'll do my best because that's all I can do. 

On a happier note! This morning at the gym I completed my 100 Challenge for the day and it feels so good! day two down only five more to go! My tip for the day is to keep yourself as hydrated as possible, go buy a water bottle and keep it with you all day long. If you set it out of your sight you won't drink it, out of sight out of mind. Keep the bottle on your desk, on the counter, where ever you might be. Have it in sight!

Set a goal today

           Have you ever set a goal for yourself and achieved it? It feels so good right? In my life my main goal is to over come my eating disorder. Everyday is a battle with Ed but its a battle I can win a little more and more every fight. Have you ever set a goal but failed at it? I have... all the time. Sometimes Ed gets the upper hand and knows just when to step in when he knows that i'm weak. Have you ever set a New Year's resolution goal? Have you ever actually followed through with it? I have.
          Through out my recovery journey I learned that it's most definitely possible to set a goal and achieve it! you just have to be realistic about your goal. An easy way to set a goal and be successful is to set a goal you know you can achieve! 99% of the time we set goals that seem so unrealistic in such a short amount of time, saying you want lose 20 lbs in two weeks is so unrealistic but I hear it all the time! Know yourself well enough before you set a goal. Can you really see yourself being dedicated enough to workout 5 days a week? Most of the people I talk to about wellness say they are so ready they are going to do it but they might do it for two weeks or even three but then just give up. They give up simply because they haven't seen the results they want, but that's only because they're trying to change things so fast.
       The type of goals I've learned to set are simple and only a week at a time. whether that goal be bettering myself at work for the week, or most the time it's focusing on not giving into Ed for the week. Fitness goals are some of my very favorite goals to set, I know my limits and know what I can really see myself doing. I love a challenge! This week is the 700 challenge! I've done it before and loved it, but totally make it up as I go. Having someone to do it with you is so much fun because seeing others be healthy and better their lives brings me soooo much happiness. I figured if i ask others to do the challenge with me not only will it make them happier but it makes me more accountable and sooo soo sooo much happier. If you can achieve a goal once, I can guarantee you will set another one and you will be successful with it. YOU CAN DO IT! (and hopefully so can I)

           "It's not about the number, its how you look and feel" ever heard that one before? well i hear it consistently from friends, family, counselors, co-works, fitness articles, ect. but lets be honest... the number DOES matter. I can look as great that day but if i step on that scale and that number isn't where i want it to be (which it never is) then i no longer feel good, and I definitely don't feel pretty. Which gets me in a big "pickle" of a situation!

          Every single day for nearly the past three years of my life I step on this stupid scale which always puts me in a bad mood, even if it had changed to a lower number than the time I last stepped on it. Recently i've spent a lot of time trying to accept that quote it's not about the number but its not an easy thing to accept. About a month ago I went to the gym and 100% of the time I do the same thing before i start my workout, walk to the locker room put my bags down, fill my water bottle, weigh myself and feel super disappointed then stretch and begin the workout. Well I walked in with the mindset that i feel really good i'm going to have a great workout and feel good, I started my routine then as i stepped to the scale I thought to myself "I actually feel good about myself today why would I want to ruin that?" so I backed up, stared at the scale and walked away. I actually left the gym that day feeling so much more comfortable in my own skin than I had in as long as I could remember. So my tip for the day is to think about how great you feel today. Realize that you can change how you feel in a split second by just accepting things, accept who you are, what you look like, and what you can become. My goal today when I go workout is to NOT step on the scale because I feel good in my new jeans, and i'm not about to ruin that. 

I've never actually put much thought about starting a blog until recently someone asked me to tell them my story. My story isn't something i've always wanted to share, but if someone else can learn from it why not? So here goes nothing! to keep it simple today I will give you the short version of my story, for the past 10 years of my life I have struggled with every girls favorite thing, MY WEIGHT. I've spent a lot of my time in therapy and counseling at Center for Change. Center for Change is a rehab for people who fight eating disorders, if it weren't for the amazing people at the center or amazing friends and family I wouldn't have ended up where i am today. To this day its a 24/7 battle with my worst enemy I call him Ed. (eating disorder) Ed is always in my head weather he's whispering at me or straight up screaming. I don't truly know if Ed will ever really break up with me, but I know i'll never let him win the battles like he used to. I've found that my life is mine, I have the power to make my own choices and not leave it up to someone else. The picture above is a picture of me in one of my favorite shirts because my future and my health is MINE.