Let your voice be heard

I recently had someone  anonymously leave a comment on one of my blog posts that really took me by surprise.

My first reaction was sadness, I felt pity for myself and I became angry, I was angry that someone had taken the time to say something so hurtful and went out of their way to do it. After time passed, I let go of the anger and was able to focus on the person I had effected in such a way, I began to feel sorry for that person.

High School is rough, I can speak for most when I say that there are many things we wish we had done differently. I wanted to let this person know how sorry I am for the hurt that I have caused them to keep them upset this many years later. I want them to know their voice has been heard, and thank you for the reminder that the things you say affect all those around you. Even if you think no one is listening, someone alway is. Words can be your best weapon when fighting a battle, chose them wisely. My husband sat with me as I became upset over the comment but he reminded me that their words we only a judgment of one person who may have encountered something with me years ago, not someone who has seen me grow into the beautiful woman I have grown to be.

I want to let you know that the things I post on this blog are about my recovery, if you truly know me and who I am/was you would know that I was heavier and over weight. The pictures I have posted are about my success, the things I have accomplished because of the eating disorder. My story is not only about what its like to have these challenges but what you can become because of them.  I choose to be fit and healthy because of the challenges I face. I write this blog to help others see what they can become and how possible it is to love yourself. I may look different on the outside being thinner and more fit but if you know anything about having an addiction you will know those demons don't fade away. I do wish to be role model to people who suffer from the things that I have/had and will most likely continue to have for the rest of my life. As for Karma I completely agree that what goes around comes around, but I can honestly say my life is FANTASTIC and I feel completely confident in my happiness and the person I have worked to become. I may have hurt people in my life and I take full responsibility for that, but if karma is what you believe you must believe I have done something good because of all the good that has been brought to me.

whom ever you are that wrote the message, I hope one day you can forgive me for the hurt I caused, I promise you that your voice has been heard.

What you eat in private, you wear in public

It's been forever since I last wrote life got the best of me and I got off track for a minute but I'm back and ready what comes next!

What you eat in private, you wear in public

Closet eating is something I have mastered through my journey of having a eating disorder. 

Eating next to nothing on my plate at dinners with friends and family but the 

second no one is looking, EAT EAT EAT.

Food will forever be my biggest enemy in life, I hate to eat in front of people

still to this day even eating in front of my husband gives me anxiety

always wondering who's really watching and thinking that they are judging me by whats on my plate.

in reality no one really truly cares what's on my plate but I CARE! Wish I didn't but I do.

Thanksgiving is coming and it's become one of the worst holidays for me, I remember my first year 

going through therapy I was talking to one of the counselors about how Thanksgiving was at my house this year and that meant the whole family would be there, watching me eat. 

It took two weeks of preparing myself for what was going to happen at Thanksgiving dinner, she gave me her cell number and said if I couldn't sit at the table and eat to call her and she would talk me through it.

Yep, I called her that day :] but she talked me though my anxiety and reminded me that no one was watching, no one cared what I was eating!

Through training and a lot of studying I've learned the importance of nutrition and how to feed my body what it needs in order to find the results I want. 

Binging is NOT the way to go! 

It's true what you eat in private will show in public, all the time I see people train so hard but eat like crap.

I've never understood why you would work that hard just to throw it away for food?

being healthy starts and ends with the food that goes in your mouth!

there are no excuses, train all you want but if you're loading your body with junk you won't find the results that you want. I've trained so so so hard and not fueled my body correctly and not seen any results that I wanted, but the second I pay more attention to the things I'm putting in my mouth I see the results. 

Abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym. AMEN! 

The Inspiring Must Be Inspired

         This morning I woke up with a thought running through my head over and over. You're not worth it. 
Being the creature of habit that I am I started my day off the same as I always do; wake up, feed animals, grab my bags, hit the gym, and head to work. As I was driving to the gym all I could think of was how I wasn't worth it, why should I keep trying so hard? By the end of my workout I felt slightly better but still had the negativity flowing through me. Ed (eating disorder) had a good grasp on my mind this morning.
before getting out of my car to walk into work I pulled down the visor down to check my lipgloss and I found a quote stuck to my visor I had completely forgotten about. It was given to my by counselor I had at Center for Change.

In order to find the purpose 

of our own life,

we have to lose it.

We have to stop worrying 

About our own well-being,

our own happiness,

and just think about how we can help

another brother get home.

And then maybe we can find our own path

by showing our brother the way back 

          I have no clue who the author of the quote is, but obviously a very wise person. If I had woken up this morning and decided I was worth it, my entire morning/afternoon would have been different. The small simple things in life mean the most, something I believe wholeheartedly. Stop obsessing with yourself and simply worries, let go and stand yourself up straight. you never know who needs the inspiration today so why not be the person doing the inspiring?  

I made the choice to straighten up, be selfless and stop worrying about why I can't do so many things the way I wish I could. 

With my hair pulled back, and feet on the ground I can find success in myself and focus on how to make 

another persons day as splendid as mine. 

The Inspiring also need to be inspired- Maddison Sumsion

Chia, Chia, Chia

             If you know me at all than you know I have a crazy deep passion for Chia Seeds. Without fail I have them everyday of my life, even when I'm on vacation I can't go unless I pack my Chia with me. There are very few other things I care more about than my vitamins and my chia (kidding... well maybe not). Often I have people ask me what the heck is in my drink? Chia Seeds look weird and definitely not appetizing, they're little black seeds but like they say great things come in small packages. 

          The benefits of eating/drinking chia are 100% endless.... when people ask me what makes them so good I could go on and on but to keep it simple I stick with a few of my favorite reasons. Their lipid profile is made of the omega-3 acids making them one of the richest plant-based sources of the omega-3. Loaded with fiber! 10 grams in 2 tablespoons, 1/3 of the daily recommended intake of fiber needed in your day. GLUTEN-FREE is another huge reason I love to tell people about them because gluten-free is HUGE in the market right now. Do you ever have a hard time feeling full? ya me too... Chia gives you a satiety feeling, the feeling of  being full and satisfied. Feeling full helps lower your cravings between meals helping you not snack on junk all day long resulting in you consuming fewer calories in the day helping you lose weight. WHY would you not want all of these benefits I have no idea. 

            So you buy the chia but what do you do with it now? Most people don't exactly have the desire to grab a spoon and chow down on some crunchy black seeds. There are so many different ways to use them, add them to your drinks (maybe not water that might be gross) but even your crystal light or your tea. Mix them with greek yogurt, applesauce, pudding, oatmeal, cereal, protein shakes. You can bake with them! Chia seed cookies are my specialty! Bake them into your muffins even.
            Yummy food doesn't need to be loaded with fat and sugar to make it taste good, even to the person who never considers eating healthy. Most health food stores sell Chia they aren't hard to find. They may seem pricey but you cant put a price on your health and wellness. I buy them in bulk at Good Earth or Costco sells them in bags. I only drink one tablespoon a day. You can spend $20 on your next few meals at McDonald's and feel fat and worse about yourself OR you can take that $20 and get the Chia that will offer you the better health and life you most definitely deserve! Your body is an AMAZING thing that does nothing but give to you, so give back to your body and better yourself. 

700 CHALLENGE! go gym, no problem

Let the fun begin! this weeks 700 challenge is starting a day late but it will still be killer compared to the last one! there's nothing better than having sore muscles because it means you worked for something! This weeks challenge consists of two of my most favorite exercises, SQUATS and JUMPING JACKS. Both are extremely beneficial and both can be done with out any gym equipment which means you have NO excuses! you can do a squat in your kitchen while your food cooks in the microwave, squat while you brush your teeth, and my favorite is putting on my high heels and doing a squat (KILLER for the glutes). Jumping Jacks are another easy exercise you can do pretty much anywhere! I'll admit that in order to complete my 700 challenge once I did do jumping jacks in the work bathroom once, don't worry it was a single person bathroom so no one knew but me :] The benefits of doing a squat are endless, my number one reason is obviously the booty shape, gotta love the bubble butt. squats are commonly know and referred to as leg exercises but they actually help your entire body! If done correctly squats are so intense they can trigger a release of HGH and Testosterone which is vital for muscle growth and improves your muscle mass when exercising other parts of your body giving you an all over better workout.
How to properly do a Squat

• Stand with your feet just over shoulder width apart
•  Keep your back in a neutral position, and keep your knees centered over your feet 
• Slowly bend your knees, hips and ankles, lowering until you reach a 90-degree angle
• Return to starting position -- repeat 15-20 times, for 2-3 sets for beginners 
• Breathe in as you lower, breathe out as you return to starting position

Jumping Jacks are beneficial to your body and your mind. they're a total body workout that increases your heart rate! increasing your heart rate is key in burning fat and losing weight. Doing Jumping Jacks for an extended amount of time triggers the release of endorphins in your body which are pain-relievers and give your body a sense of calm and happiness. Find a time and give yourself as many reasons and you can think of why you should do this challenge and DON'T GIVE UP! If you want results you have to work for them. overcome that voice in your head telling you that you can't or it's too hard because IT'S NOT!! 

What's your reason?

             Every morning I wake up wondering what my reasons for moving forward would be. I have to give all credit  to the man I get to call my husband. He's my best friend, my pillar I lean on, the reason I choose to be the best I can be. He is always there for me reminding me of why I choose to overcome my addictions. I never would have thought that I would fall in love with Jesse, but like they say you can't help what your heart wants.

            From our very first date part of me knew instantly this was the guy I would be with, the one I would do anything to get him to ask me out again! Thank heavens he did! Having him to look up to (literally) makes me so much stronger he is such a hard working guy that never lets negativity get to him. I don't know if i'll ever stop falling in love with this man! Everyday is an adventure but when I'm feeling weak he's right there to lift me up. Dealing with my crazy addictions and habits hasn't been an easy thing for him to deal with but for some reason he chooses to put up with it and love me through it.
           He might never fully understand what it's like or get why I do the things I do, it doesn't make sense to a lot of people and often people tease me about it. Jesse often teases me about my eating habits he will call me a rabbit, or when someone offers me food he chimes in with a comment "Oh she can't eat it, it probably has sugar in it". I like that he can make jokes about it and tease with me about it, if he didn't I wouldn't know that he cared. I'm so thankful to have someone in my life at my side at all times cheering me on and not losing hope that I can overcome anything thrown my way. "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" Lao Tzu

It's always possible

         April 2013 I did something I NEVER thought I could, would, or want to do in my life. To some it might seem like such and easy thing but for someone like me it was a huge deal. I ran a half marathon this day and beat my PR by 45 minutes. I set a goal to do something and I followed through and accomplished it. The biggest rush of emotions went through my body when I hit the last mile of my run. I've never been a runner, nor ever had the desire to try it. If you know me at all you know I'm a pretty stocky built woman, not built to run. I worked my butt off (not literally but wouldn't that have been nice! This chick got booty) I had total doubt that I would be able to even run the whole thing, I thought for sure I would be walking at least half of the race. I RAN THE ENTIRE THING. Hitting that finish line made me feel at that moment in time I was in complete control, I was on top of the world. I can't tell you the last time I've ever felt so in control of my own life, my own happiness.
          Still at the end of the race I went into panic mode when everyone offered me carb loaded treats to eat, Ed was still there trying to get to me but I refused to let him ruin that day for me. Having my family at the end of the race to see me accomplish something that meant so much to me was soo cool. My family is always there at my side to help me through my battles always supportive and not losing hope that one day I will be free of Ed. Now I'm working on training for my next half marathon then a few months after that I'll be running my very first marathon! It might take me an entire day to finish it but I will do what it takes to have that sweet moment of success at the finish line. Next time you decide you want something in your life but think it could never happen realize that you CAN! it's possible, your mind gives up so much faster than your body does.