Let your voice be heard

I recently had someone  anonymously leave a comment on one of my blog posts that really took me by surprise.

My first reaction was sadness, I felt pity for myself and I became angry, I was angry that someone had taken the time to say something so hurtful and went out of their way to do it. After time passed, I let go of the anger and was able to focus on the person I had effected in such a way, I began to feel sorry for that person.

High School is rough, I can speak for most when I say that there are many things we wish we had done differently. I wanted to let this person know how sorry I am for the hurt that I have caused them to keep them upset this many years later. I want them to know their voice has been heard, and thank you for the reminder that the things you say affect all those around you. Even if you think no one is listening, someone alway is. Words can be your best weapon when fighting a battle, chose them wisely. My husband sat with me as I became upset over the comment but he reminded me that their words we only a judgment of one person who may have encountered something with me years ago, not someone who has seen me grow into the beautiful woman I have grown to be.

I want to let you know that the things I post on this blog are about my recovery, if you truly know me and who I am/was you would know that I was heavier and over weight. The pictures I have posted are about my success, the things I have accomplished because of the eating disorder. My story is not only about what its like to have these challenges but what you can become because of them.  I choose to be fit and healthy because of the challenges I face. I write this blog to help others see what they can become and how possible it is to love yourself. I may look different on the outside being thinner and more fit but if you know anything about having an addiction you will know those demons don't fade away. I do wish to be role model to people who suffer from the things that I have/had and will most likely continue to have for the rest of my life. As for Karma I completely agree that what goes around comes around, but I can honestly say my life is FANTASTIC and I feel completely confident in my happiness and the person I have worked to become. I may have hurt people in my life and I take full responsibility for that, but if karma is what you believe you must believe I have done something good because of all the good that has been brought to me.

whom ever you are that wrote the message, I hope one day you can forgive me for the hurt I caused, I promise you that your voice has been heard.

What you eat in private, you wear in public

It's been forever since I last wrote life got the best of me and I got off track for a minute but I'm back and ready what comes next!

What you eat in private, you wear in public

Closet eating is something I have mastered through my journey of having a eating disorder. 

Eating next to nothing on my plate at dinners with friends and family but the 

second no one is looking, EAT EAT EAT.

Food will forever be my biggest enemy in life, I hate to eat in front of people

still to this day even eating in front of my husband gives me anxiety

always wondering who's really watching and thinking that they are judging me by whats on my plate.

in reality no one really truly cares what's on my plate but I CARE! Wish I didn't but I do.

Thanksgiving is coming and it's become one of the worst holidays for me, I remember my first year 

going through therapy I was talking to one of the counselors about how Thanksgiving was at my house this year and that meant the whole family would be there, watching me eat. 

It took two weeks of preparing myself for what was going to happen at Thanksgiving dinner, she gave me her cell number and said if I couldn't sit at the table and eat to call her and she would talk me through it.

Yep, I called her that day :] but she talked me though my anxiety and reminded me that no one was watching, no one cared what I was eating!

Through training and a lot of studying I've learned the importance of nutrition and how to feed my body what it needs in order to find the results I want. 

Binging is NOT the way to go! 

It's true what you eat in private will show in public, all the time I see people train so hard but eat like crap.

I've never understood why you would work that hard just to throw it away for food?

being healthy starts and ends with the food that goes in your mouth!

there are no excuses, train all you want but if you're loading your body with junk you won't find the results that you want. I've trained so so so hard and not fueled my body correctly and not seen any results that I wanted, but the second I pay more attention to the things I'm putting in my mouth I see the results. 

Abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym. AMEN!